HowManyOfMe.com

There are 55 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

In a post about Proposition 8, a Gawker commenter wrote: "nothing like putting the rights of a minority up to a vote where the majority wins. i can has logic?"

I'm so pissed about this, I can't be happy that Hopey McDreams won in a LANDSLIDE HISTORIC ELECTION VICTORY SNORT.

"This has been a moral battle," said Ellen Smedley, 34, a member of the Mormon Church and a mother of five who worked on the campaign. "We aren't trying to change anything that homosexual couples believe or want -- it doesn't change anything that they're allowed to do already. It's defining marriage. . . . Marriage is a man and a woman establishing a family unit."

"It doesn't change anything that they're allowed to do already" is complete and utter bullshit, and she fucking knows it, and I want to fist rape her and her family unit with a glove made from heroin AIDS needles.

STOP THE MORMON AGENDA! SIGN THE PETITION!

Maybe Barry can help?

So, I was at Hale & Hearty buying soup for lunch, as per usual, but when the cashier offered me a bag for my small cream of asparagus, I said no. Why? Because I had just come from Pret A Manger, where I purchased a Cuban sandwich, and had with me a perfectly usable bag from that establishment. Before leaving, I decided to stop by the counter to fetch some napkins and rearrange my soup/sandwich in the Pret bag, as is my wont. Unbeknown to me, an employee of the soup chain "caught" me pilfering what apparently was an excessive amount of napkins, and called me out for this as I was leaving. Shocked, I struggled to defend myself, at first thinking she confused me for someone who came in and "stole" napkins without purchasing something, which was not the case. I exclaimed, "But I bought soup!" I was met with disregard: "I understand that, sir. But do you need that many napkins for ONE person? We have to pay for those, you know." At this point, there are several on-lookers, including staff that I see at lunchtime daily. Something snapped, and I not-so-gently pointed out to her that I was a frequent, nay, an important customer, and that I will TAKE extra napkins if I want them, goddammit, and there's nothing the hell she can do about it! And then I left feeling quite superior.

But I had time to reflect upon the incident on the walk back to the office. Why would she dehumanize me like that, in front of everyone, I thought. What purpose was served by emasculating me, in effect shearing my balls off? To later make a tasty consomme?!

Needless to say, I'm sitting at my desk now, sobbing into my soup, plotting revenge. This will involve either a dirty bomb or a continued daily effort to amass the world's largest stolen Hale & Hearty napkin collection. Or both.

I really should stop wasting my money on crap. But "Camp Special Dude"? C'mon!



Better than Death Spa?

Family of faggot fans fly the flag

Greetings from London, mate!

What do John McCain's balls taste like? Depends.

Mission accomplished!

True story: Once upon a time Hallmark created Valentine's Day so they could sell more cards. Then people started hating Valentine's Day, so card companies turned around and started selling millions of Anti-Valentine's Day cards. This worked because corporations are very smart and people are very stupid. In response to a whole day created to remind them of their personal failures, they purchase moronic cards and t-shirts with cartoon rabbits who brag about bitch-slapping Cupid. Pathetic. You want to know how handle Valentine's Day if you're single? Here's how. You mope your way into a bar and get blisteringly drunk. Then you squint through the haze, stumble into someone suitably desperate, and go home for an evening of debauchery followed by a morning of self-loathing. That's how you do Valentine's Day if you're single.

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OMG I'm on Tumblr!